So as much as I would like the words to just flow through me and on to paper, I am at an impasse. I'm not sure if its because I'm not ready to adhere to a set of rules that I want to live by the rest of my life, or I just don't have the creativity to come up with something profound and thought provoking... awe inspiring, that I HAVE to live my life that way. I think, as I learned at The Grove today, that I have to make myself vulnerable. Vulnerable to who? Myself? Probably...So I think to truly write a manifesto to the depth that I want to write it, I think I need to break down the parts of my life that have been the most difficult and trying or fulling and happy, and draw from those moments and figure out how I got there or how to not go back.
A particular time I can reflect on my life was not only happy but trying, when I graduated from college. How did I do it, with everything that I had going against me, how did I manage to graduate from college? When I decided to go back to school in 1998, I was 27, with a 5yr old. I needed 88 credits and 9 years had already passed from when I left high school...the dreariness had set in...it would take forever. But something hit me when I went back...probably seeing all of the 18 year old's with thoughts of careers and their future in their heads...and I was already in my future...with a 5yr old. There are some fortunate and unfortunate circumstances that I was in during the time I took to graduate...one thing, I was on welfare...poor, poor, poor. I had section 8, food stamps and almost free child care. But had I not been on section 8 with only having to pay $60 a month for rent, I wouldn't have been able to go back to school full time. Had I not received food stamps and almost free child care, I wouldn't have been able to take all the classes I did at one time. I lived on $190 a month and financial aide for 2 years...(I cant even imagine now). So some of my unfortunate circumstances allowed me to make fortunate decisions. I pride myself on the fact that I finished 88 credits, graduated with a 3.0, volunteered at a domestic violence shelter, while single handedly raising a 5yr old by myself...in 2 years. Originally I wanted to graduate before I was 30, and then with the new millennium coming upon us, I wanted to be apart of the first graduating class of 2000. I lived and breathed school, taking 16-21 credits at a time, one semester going to ASU and Rio Salado at the same time because ASU wouldn't approve my taking more than 20 credits one semester. I finished my Bachelors degree in Justice Studies with a minor in Family Studies (when I was 29!)! Graduating was euphoric...I did it!
Reminiscing about those tough 2 years has definitely provided me more inspiration for writing...as I'm coming up on 40 years of life and how I want to live my life for the next 40...those 2 particular years will definitely provide me with the additional insight and motivation to finish my manifesto by February 11, 2011.
